The Executioner...

So I'm walking thru work and Gerry calls me over. He glances furtively around and then says softly, "I bought you something".
Uh, Whut?
"I bought you something"  Only a tiny bit louder. Still glancing around suspiciously.
Uh, Okay
"It's the twitching lure..."
Uh, Whut?
"The twitching lure..."
He then proceeds to tell me it's a revolutionary lure that experts say catches too many fish. Sure enough, he shows me their website. It says...

"Rechargeable Twitching Lures are the first rechargeable, electronic lures with the genetic secret to catching fish: Vibra-Strike Technology. Your Rechargeable Twitching Lure flashes and twitches to mimic the movements of a wounded bait fish. This triggers the DNA-programming in fish that has signaled them to strike since prehistoric times. Fish can’t resist the twitching action because it triggers their DNA. They bite whether they’re hungry or not"

With Twitch, you can throw all your old lures away. It’s just that easy!
SWITCH TO THE TWITCH, AND START CATCHING MORE FISH!

Rechargeable Twitching Lure Features

• Vibra-Strike Technology Triggers Genetic DNA Programmed Instinct to Strike
• Charges in Minutes
• Lights Up in the Dark
• Twitches, Flashes & Buzzes in Water to Mimic Wounded Bait Fish
• Hand-Painted Top-Quality Lure
• Sharpest Mustad® Hooks
• Works for Day or Night Fishing, Lake, Stream and Surf

And on and on. And it's on the internet so it's got to be true. They can't put anything on the internet that's not true I think.

So now I just don't know quite what to do. Tomorrow I'm leaving for several days of serious fishing down in the mountains of Tennessee with four or five hardcore fishermen. It hardly seems fair if I catch a fish every cast. But I only have two twitching lures, not enough to share.  (Gerry said they were buy one for $19.99 and get the second one free, only $6.99 shipping and handling per lure) And the ad also said you could catch a fish literally every cast. Do I really want to catch a huge striper every cast? Would that even be fun? Could my back take the strain?  And the river is full of huge muskellunge. Would it even be safe to be around the water with these huge toothy fish driven into a frenzy by the twitching lures Vibra strike technology?  After all, the particular models Gerry purchased are called the executioner. I took them home and hooked up the usb charger and the first is charging even as I write this. But the moral, ethical, and conservation dilemmas. I mean even if I can control myself what happens if Rob Orr or Dan Andrews or one of the other guys of questionable character along on this trip sees the deadly effectiveness of the twitching lure?? After all it triggers the DNA programming in fish that have caused them to strike since prehistoric times. Damn you Gerry and your incredible rechargeable twitching flashing lure with vibra trike technology. What to do, what to do.

When I get back from the mountains I'll let you know what happened.